Substance Abuse

I have a shocking confession.  This morning, much to my dismay, I did not pour myself my usual cup.  Perhaps there are just some moments in life when you need to look in the mirror and recognize when there is a problem.

Yesterday, after my regular dose of daily brewed wonderment, I couldn't help but notice how my hands shook over the black keys of my macbook.  What is wrong with me?? My stomach had burned and ached for the past week.  There was a steady pinch in my lower back, in what I presumed to be my kidney. And I have had a harder time falling asleep at night.  

And then yesterday happened.  The shakes wouldn't subside until nearly three o'clock in the afternoon. It was bad...

Now, as I have mentioned before, I am no stranger to when it comes to spotting someone with a problem.  When you pour drinks as a means of making a living, there are certain tell-tale signs you look for; especially among the 'regulars.'

When these bar-flies overstay their welcome, you have to swat them away with relentless vigor and tenacity.  While you may be tempted by the thought of a few extra dollars, you ultimately have to look out for the person's best interest and just say no.   

And so, with as much self discipline as I could muster, I turned away from my normal routine and beloved breakfast blend.  

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and readers: today, I have made the heart wrenching switch from my most favorite beverage in the world, coffee, to what will have to suffice until I can hopefully recover... Today, as I type my daily offering, I sip a cup of (brace yourselves) hot tea.  

I really don't know how I feel about this decision.  I think, for some reason, the coffee I couldn't seem to function without, turned on me suddenly.  I could no longer ignore the cold hard truth anymore.  I needed to be cut off.  

I have to be honest, I don't enjoy my hot tea nearly as much as my coffee.  In fact, I am baffled that an entire country could have such strong affection for it.  They even delegated an entire afternoon around the ritual of tea time.  Amazing. 

I wonder... could this be the start of something new?  Will the bittersweet herbs and leaves of black, white and green teas ever grow on me the way the richly bold flavor won my heart long ago? I don't know.  I'm willing to give it a shot though, seeing as how my physical body is protesting the coffee addiction.  

I do not want to wake up one day, with a hole in my stomach, yellow stained teeth, and a dried out complexion due to consistent abuse of my beloved drink: coffee. 

The honorable thing to do, is to take a step back and sip on something a little more gentle and refined.  Ugh, who am I kidding?? I am desperately missing my coffee right now.  

But I do not condone substance abuse.  And so, here begins the first step.  I need to detox.  I am in recovery, one day at a time.  No more coffee... for at least a few days. 

Until then, you may not want to tailgate my car, cut in front of me in the grocery lines, or even ask me to operate heavy machinery... No sir, the next few days may not be too pretty. 

Consider yourselves warned.  This girl has been severely decaffeinated. And it's shaping up to be a pretty rough day.  

Today:

Espresso Martini

1 oz chilled Espresso

1 oz Vodka

1 oz Kahlua

1/2 oc White Creme de Cacao

Shake and strain. 

Mornings: A Love/Hate Relationship

Today I woke up on schedule at 9:30 a.m. to the sound of my alarm chiming. You may think that it sounds ridiculous that I have to set an alarm for that late in the morning, but in my defense, I only work nights and come home really late. Since my workday tends to begin somewhere around 3:00 in the afternoon, it is my free time every morning that is so sacred to me.

For a long time, I didn’t set an alarm. I would sleep in and wake up naturally around 10:15 a.m. I would stumble around slowly in a groggy haze.  I can get up and go in the morning if I must, but I would rather NOT. For those of you who do, I salute you! Anyway, I have recently decided to maximize my time in the mornings, so I set an alarm. It is the time I have to relax, write and drink my favorite beverage of the day... coffee!

I should make something very clear: I love mornings, but I am not a morning person.

In fact, I would rather not operate heavy machinery, be required to communicate in any way shape or form, or even be remotely productive before I've at least had one cup of coffee.  Coffee. Yes. Let's talk about coffee. 

I love coffee. I love the way the grounds smell when you open the bag and how they sound as they fall into the basket, and the shear magic of the crackling sound the machine makes when the brew cycle is nearly complete.  I am also obsessed with coffee cups.  And it is a well-known fact that I have way too many.  

But my favorite thing about coffee and mornings are the people I get to share them with.  Oh wow, that could sound bad.  I should clarify... the family, friends and loved ones I have shared my mornings with over the years (my dogs included).  My mom and I love our coffee time in the mornings. And my dad has had a ritual for many years of making lattes at home every single day. He even has special ear muffs that block the shrilling sound of the espresso machine. 

But I especially love spending mornings with friends over a cup of coffee.  Back in Nashville, one of my best friends lived around the corner from me.  From time to time she would come over for coffee.  Both of us literally rolled out of bed. She would show up to the front door, hair piled loosely on top of her head, no make up and still in her pajamas complete with slippers. The same for me. 

We would talk bout the latest in our lives.  We would just hang out.  And it's probably what I miss the most since leaving Nashville. I think she misses it as much as I do.  For my birthday, she sent me a coffee mug that has pictures of the two of us on it.  It's now my very favorite cup and I am sipping from it at this very moment. And when we miss each other too much, we set up a Skype & coffee date.  

Since I have been living Up North for the summer, it is my older brother who currently shares this morning ritual with me. He is two years older and one of my best friends.  It's funny how he never really drank coffee every morning until I moved in with him.  He said he otherwise wouldn't drink it if it weren't for me. And now, it's our special thing.  He jokes about how I won't come out of my room until the aroma of freshly brewed coffee seeps under my door. 

And when I am alone, which is the reality for me most of the time, coffee every morning is my time to be totally selfish.  It's like a hot stone massage for my brain. As I ease into the morning, the creative synapses begin to fire and I feel the nerve endings in my fingertips twitch, ready to write. 

One day I suspect, this time will fall away.  If I am lucky, there will be a passion of career and possibly a family of my own to wake up to.  I won't be quite as selfish with my morning ritual I imagine. But until then, this is a luxury I can afford.  

So I will steal this time while I can...  sipping my favorite beverage. And I will spend my favorite time with you.

Today:

Hot Coffee
with 1 oz Whisper Creek Tennessee Sweet Cream Whiskey