Writer Interrupted

At last; a chance to write from "home."  Isn't it funny how some routines are so important to our overall sense of happiness and well-being? Even a simple routine as waking up, brewing coffee and blogging? 

It hasn't exactly been the easiest task; wandering around from one end of the city to another looking for a place to write.  Most coffee houses are packed with fellow writers or simply a dozen or so people with little battery life.  The outlets are a hot commodity to come by; as almost every person wants to charge... something. 

I would attempt to write from my Mini i-Pad from a crowded Starbucks or other local spot offering free wifi.  But unfortunately, that is not always the most ideal environment.  And I have yet to find my own little writers corner... my spot.  Furthermore, I am always in between appointments or am off to the grocery store, catching a train, fiddling with my new work materials or simply lying down to catch some much needed zzzzzzzzzzs. 

So today, I finally feel comfortable enough to brew coffee and write from the apartment I am sharing for the month.  It's quiet this morning and I don't have to go into work until 8 p.m. tonight. 

You see, I was in in a terrible funk the past two days; unable to find a place or a good time to write.  I am just the type of person who really enjoys a certain amount of structure.  So when I knew I had pretty much the entire day to myself before heading into the city to work, I jumped at the opportunity to write: still in my pajamas and sipping pumpkin spiced coffee from Trader Joe's market.  

In some ways, I can't believe I have only been in New York a week.  I've been training at a new serving job and reconnecting with friends who live here.  Almost every moment has been filled in some way, even if only by the long walks I would take around Central Park.  

I realized something just before falling asleep last night; constant creativity produces more creativity.  It isn't something that dries up.  Creativity is rather like a muscle that only gets stronger the more it is flexed and exercised.  And so, I must continue my creative pursuits.  As steady as ever, I must nurture creativity as best as I possibly can.  

This is such a creative place.  And everywhere I look I am surrounded by the people who are actually "making it."  

If only that were me.  Another bottle of Champagne please... 

This is all part of serving the bigger picture though. And from the bottom of my heart, I wish to get there one day: sitting at the table rather than standing before it.  

But for now, I am on my way to writing a new chapter; a new story.  

This past week of moving and getting a job has most certainly interrupted the steady flow of creativity that I suppose I had, in some ways, taken for granted.  Let's just say I was a writer interrupted.  

But I believe that now, more than ever, is the time to protect and serve creativity as best as I can; establishing a sense of structure in an otherwise volatile but thrilling moment in time.  

Today:

Gin Rickey

1 1/2 oz Gin

1/2 oz Lime Juice

Splash of Soda

On the Rocks in a Highball Glass

What's Just Around the Corner

Last night I had the opportunity to catch up with an old friend over some great drinks and a very long walk.  It was a warm night, and there was just something so incredibly poetic about the entire experience.

I didn't know what to expect, as this encounter was more than unexpected.  So we just let the conversation flow as naturally as possible.  And I began connecting the dots, between his experiences and my own.

Perhaps because we are both writers and a little prone to emotional indulgences, we both ate up the nostalgia as if it were the most delicious main course in all of New York City.

But then, just as sudden and unexpectedly as the moment we ran into one another in a crowded market just a few days ago, the gravity of the situation hit me and I came to a startling realization; we never truly know what is just around the corner.

Isn't that absolutely magical?

I have to tell you that the past five days have been like something out of a movie.  There are young couples strolling hand in hand around almost every corner, kids blowing perfectly round bubbles the size of grapefruits along the paths in Central Park, and each scene is perfectly scored with some kind of pure and equally enchanting source music.  It's frightfully wonderful.

Every corner unfolds some depiction of life, love, survival, creativity, work, struggle and yes, the ever impressive American dream.

We are all in this place because it is feeding something within our hearts that is down right demanding to be heard.  In fact, the buildings themselves are demanding in their own right.  They stand over us; towering and impressive.  They have their own unique voices and dresscode.  The buildings provide me great company.  They are my beacons, my mile markers, and my way of navigating from one corner of the map to the other.

All these people I see around me have completely overwhelmed my senses.  And I find myself struggling to find the words to express what I feel each day as I walk through the countless blocks and stretch of concrete.

I can't very well explain it.  I can't really figure out how to quantify the countless moments I catch myself in awe.

And I know that this feeling will inevitably fade over time as I too, am cast alongside this wonderful hit show that is Manhattan.  But for now, I still catch my breath each time I turn a corner and am presented with granduer and wonderment.

Tomorrow I start my job.  And then, I will have officially taken my first big bite of this 'Big Apple.'  I will have my own routine and semblance of a life as a proper city girl.  Who knows what is waiting around the next corner... maybe the best is yet to come.

Until then, this corner is looking pretty good.

Today

Lil Nicky

1oz Vodka
1/2 oz Pama Liqueur
Splash of Soda
On the rocks with a lime wedge.

I Couldn't Have Said it Better...

Theme From New York, New York

Click to Listen!! 

'Start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it
New York, New York

I want to wake up, in a city that never sleeps
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York..New York

New York...New York
I want to wake up, in a city that never sleeps
And find I'm A number one, top of the list
King of the hill, A number one....

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old New York
If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, New York..New York New York!!!'

Wish me luck!!! 

Baggage

Well, there is no mistaking it; I've got a lot of baggage.  Literally... As I look around the apartment at the three empty suitcases that I'll inevitably fill, I am suddenly overwhelmed.

Getting ready to go on a trip for an undetermined length of time is a somewhat daunting process.  Do I pack work clothes? Bedding? Winter boots, jackets and scarves?  Do I pack light and have some things shipped if I stay longer?? Oy...

Meanwhile, my poor little dogs are hovering around the luggage and pacing the apartment.  As soon as I pull out the suitcases, they look at them wide eyed and nervous: not this again.

I won't be able to take my dogs with me yet.  It would make the settling in process about a hundred times more difficult.  And if I can spare them the added anxiety of roommates, city traffic, and late nights, then there is no question that I ought to leave them behind... for now.

It's crazy.

I look around and see a patchwork quilt of my life, post graduation.  I feel lucky to have experienced so much over the past eleven years since high school.  What a wild ride.  From the West Coast to the  great Southwest, then down to the Mid South and up to the Midwest; my life looks more like a stack of postcards rather than the images I see in most of my peers' family albums.  But that's just me.  That is the nature of change and adapting to whatever circumstance I seem to be in the midst of. It's an amazing thing, to have had the good fortune of living life in so many wondrous places.

But the baggage I accumulated over the years is bulky, heavy and perhaps excessive. There are some things I am holding on to that may not serve me on the road ahead.  Like my wedding china for instance; someone please tell me what I am supposed to do with that??  The delicate place settings, serving bowls and coffee cups have lasted much longer than my marriage ever did.  And I carry the box around from state to state with precision and care... And I am over it.

Sometimes I imagine taking a trip to Greece, where upon arrival, I unwrap the delicate wedding china and hurl it at the pristine white floor and let it smash at my feet while shouting OPA!!! In this fantasy, I am dancing around the shattered pieces, wearing a crown of olive leaves and a sleek white dress similar to Aphrodite's.

Hummus anyone?

And what about the other items I have hauled around from place to place: pictures, dresses and books of poetry? Shall I stand at the mouth of the East River and toss it in as some sacrificial offering to Manhattan... to my future?? 

Or shall I continue to leave it happily collecting dust in my storage, as I have done for the past few years? The boxes are stacked high; one on top of the other... Talk about excess baggage.

I know that the day will surely come when I will know what to do.  I can sense that I am inching my way closer to the answer with each passing season.  I don't want this much baggage.

I don't need it either.

But the answer hasn't come to me yet.  But I have a hunch that it is waiting for me in this next place I explore: probably under a shady tree, speckled with October's rose and amber hues in the midst of Central Park. Perhaps then I will know what to do and how to shed these bulky items that are no longer serving me. Alas, I continue to pack.

*Note to self: have fun, work hard, be safe and travel light! 

Today:

Cape Cod

1 oz Vodka
2 oz Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a lime wedge
On the Rocks!

Opposing Forces

I've just spent the past five minutes reading an article published by Northwestern University about how a battery works.  You know, the kind that power that pink Energizer Bunny who rolls along, beating his little drum.  We know that the battery charges the Energizer Bunny; but what is charging the battery?

While I knew full well that a battery possesses two opposing forces, a positive end (+) and a negative one (-), I did not however, entirely understand how the opposite ends serve to charge the entire body and produce energy.  It is quite interesting... if you've had at least two cups of coffee before reading.

The article was extremely informative; going on to explain that there are in fact, three sides to a battery. The obvious (+) and (-) sides make up the two opposite ends of the battery of course, while the the third side is actually the middle.  I won't begin to articulate the painstaking process of how a battery works. You're welcome... 

If you ever do want to find out for yourself, I trust that there are far more informative articles online than the one I am writing here.  However, the gist of it actually serves to make a point that I would like to expound upon that promises to be a tad more entertaining than a Science Guy's explanation...

Basically, a battery is powered by the positive and negative thing-a-ma-jiggers that interact within the cell and are trapped in the middle.  That's about as scientific as I can get at 9:30 a.m., pre second cup of coffee.

What got me on this unusual subject you ask?? Well, it has a little something to do with the past two weeks. You see, yesterday I was informed that my perspective in life as shared in my blog,  appears to have taken a somewhat negative turn as of late.  While undoubtedly entertaining, the last week of blog posts have most certainly observed the world around me through less than rosy colored glasses.

So... what gives?  My dad seemed to find the shift of perspective rather amusing; suggesting that I become more and more like him every day.  Hmmmm...  

I thought about that statement all day yesterday.  Was he right? 

While my dad is not exactly Darth Vader, and I sure as hell don't resemble Luke Skywalker, it would seem that I have in fact turned to the dark side. Que the music: dum dum dum dum da daaa dum dum, doot doot do doo doot too doodle doot...  If you aren't familiar with that haunting score than you are forbidden from reading any further and are instructed to go watch Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back immediately.

Okay, the truth is, I may have had an unhealthy dose of (-) charges overloading my circuit these days.  But in all fairness, I was not blind to that phenomenon.  I could sense it too.  And that is when I decided  that it was time to put in my two weeks notice and take a break from life behind the bar.  My default mode is rather positive.  Honestly!

Look back to the posts in early July and you will read super charged (+) positivity.  Life Un-Stuck is a great example of my lightened up, enlightened point of view.

I definitely do not want to turn to the dark side.  And I would argue that a battery needs both opposing forces (+) and (-) to produce a charge within.

I believe that my positivity is simply re-charging as a result of the (-) negative ions floating around me on a regular basis.  The opposing forces of positive and negative perspectives actually serve each other in the long run.

This battery of mine is simply regenerating power, thank you very much! 

Do not fear.  I am certain that life with continue to shift between these two opposing forces for the rest of my days.  I am also certain that I will do my best to hopefully stay charged within my third side: the middle ground.

Until then, just enjoy the ride.  If not super (+) positive, it will be at the very least,
(-) entertaining!

Enjoy this Labor Day weekend and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!!!!! 

Always-


Today:

Jedi Mind Trick

1 oz Dark Rum
1 oz Amaretto Almond Liqueur
1 oz Kahlua ® Coffee Liqueur
1 oz Bailey's ® Irish Cream
3 scoops Ice Cream

2 Cherries

Combine all contents (except cherries) in a blender until smooth. Pour into a mug and garnish with cherries.

For this and other recipes Click here!

The Most Exclusive Real Estate on the Planet

There have been plenty of days where I struggled to get through; having felt like things were not going the way I had imagined or intended for my life.  It's hard.  I look around and I do not see the picture that I dreamt up years ago.  But that's fairly normal... isn't it?

For the sake of my sanity, I have settled upon an enthusiastic answer: YES it's completely normal!!  I look around and realize that I am not alone in this struggle.  Many people, most I would venture to guess, are not exactly living the life they'd imagined for themselves.  Why is this? Well, perhaps it is because we live in relation to others and their choices and aspirations have a way of influencing our own.  

We get so far along our path and realize that we've tweaked that picture to accommodate another person and all of their wants and needs.  Factor in the relationship you may have with your family, your friends, significant others, employers etc. and all that space you had initially allocated for yourself is now seriously sublet by a few dozen demanding roommates.  

The welcome mat to my mind reads a simple phrase: Life is Better When Shared.  Even if the path looks different and that space gets crowded, it's a wonderful thing; making accommodations in your heart and mind for the ones you love.  

At the same time, you'd better choose these roomies wisely.  Taking up real estate in your head is a rather expensive transaction.  What could it cost you in the end?  Still thinking about that last sentence? That's okay, I am too. 

How do you know when it's time to evict someone?  That's a lengthy and emotionally taxing decision that only you, the landlord, can make.  

All I know is this: you can only bend so much for another person (no matter their relation to you) before you break.  The picture you see for yourself may not align with the one the other has painted...  And unless you have mastered the art of photoshop completely, then I imagine that there is some serious restoration/remodeling to be done.  Uh oh... I am mixing metaphors... Whatever, it's Sunday and on Sundays, anything goes.  

Why am I on this subject to begin with you ask?  Well let's just say that as I am sitting here drinking my coffee and reflecting, I can't help but feel so grateful for the extra space I have finally carved out in my brain.  It was a mental renovation of sorts and has made all the difference in my life.  Over the past ten years or so, I had repeatedly sacrificed what I envisioned for my life by committing all my energy to another person.  I bent over to the breaking point and nearly lost sight of myself; the framework of my being.   

As I watch the tug of war play out in the lives of the ones I love, I can't help but think back to the times in my life when I was faced with some incredibly difficult decisions.  Releasing the grip on the rope that tugs you can be a scary thing to imagine.  You get so accustomed to the rope, you sometimes forget that it's your own two feet holding you up.  You can let go! 

At this moment in time, I am happy to report that nearly all the occupants taking residence in my mind are all doing their fare share to maximize the space and help make improvements there.  No one person has overstayed their welcome and I am enjoying the extra space I have to create, decorate, restore, write and thrive.  

I hope that any future prospects looking to take up residence in my heart and mind will respect to a few simple house rules and respect the space I have worked so hard to create.  My heart is my home.  At this time, I am neither accepting nor rejecting applicants; rather, enjoying the view from my recently remodeled point of view.  Peace of mind: the most exclusive real estate on the planet.  

Today:

Adriane's French Chateau

1 oz Bombay Sapphire Gin

1/2 oz St. Germain Liqueur

Splash of Rose's Lime Juice

Splash of Sprite

On the Rocks! 

Mama Said, Mama Said

You ever have one of those days?  You know, the kind of day where everything that could go possibly go wrong, does?  Of course, I say 'everything' as a somewhat relative term, but you get my drift.  But it just doesn't happen very often that I find it necessary to write a play by play of my eight hour shift behind the bar.  However, in the case of last night, trust me: it is.

Wednesday: 3:00 PM 

I arrived at work and began the tedious process of opening the up the bar: filling the ice bins, wiping down the counters, stocking the liquor bottles, and counting the cash drawer.  You know, business as usual. 

Having been assigned to the tiki bar, I was mentally and physically preparing for a steady stream of guests and hopefully, a profitable night.  But something was in the air yesterday... literally, that shook the very foundation of my otherwise positive outlook.  It was windy: extremely windy.  Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not an exaggeration.

Allow me to paint a picture for you.  A tiki hut/bar is typically comprised of four standing posts and is open to the elements on all sides.  Three of the four sides are lined with barstools, while the back side provides an exit strategy for yours truly.  There is a roof, room for a couple kegs, and a small liquor well.  And in the middle of this little island of booze, stands the bartender, ready to serve and protect.

Okay, so you can see it right?  Before the bar is opened, there are four heavy canvas drapes that protect the otherwise exposed counter to ceiling areas of the hut.  When they are down, and it is windy, they tend to catch the breeze so perfectly, you'd swear they were at full mast, about to set sail.  

I typically do not raise the drapes until I am officially open: so as to discourage guests from walking up every five minutes before I am fully equipped to serve and take payments.  

Here begins the chaos... 

As I was counting the drawer, I was suddenly sprayed with ice cold beer.  What in the...??????? Oh no!!!! I turned around to discover a rather shocking scenario. The ropes from the drapes had somehow blown ever so perfectly toward the taps, wrapping themselves around the handle and releasing the draft to rush out.  And to make it worse, the wind blew the beer all over the counters, floor, and yes... me.  I struggled to untangle the ropes as quickly as possible.  But needless to say, it was a sticky situation and a rather peculiar start to the day. 

Approximately 4:10 PM

At almost exactly the same moment I had finished cleaning up the great draft spill of 2013, I heard a coworker shriek, "AAAAH SHIT!"  And shitty it was, all over the soles of her shoes.  Where did that come from??? Apparently, someone had decided to let their dog wander freely around the place unbeknown to us all.  And to add insult to injury, the owner did not clean up after his furry friend. 

Obviously, this was way out of the scope of our job description.  But when the shit hits the fan, or the soles of your shoes, you must do everything within your power to carry on.  And that we did... 

Here goes round two of our major cleanup effort: bringing out the hose, buckets, brooms etc.  Can we just get back to serving some drinks already???

P.S. IT WAS STILL EXTREMELY WINDY

It was 5:00 Somewhere... Which means one thing: business.

Incoming!!! With the bar top filling up fast, I was busy enough to lose track of time (which is a good thing).  And freakishly, over the following three hours, my computer froze, a guest walked out on his tab, and a small woodland creature emerged from the nearby tree, scurrying around the feet of a frenzied crowd, causing absolute and utter chaos as ladies sloshed their drinks high in the air in complete disarray.  

It's a mouse! No, it's a small squirrel!! No it's not! It's a vole!!!!!!!!!  Let's get it!!!!!! 

Everyone was frantic.  As I stood within the confines of my four post cell, I looked around at the chaotic scene that was completely out of my control, and I began to shake my head and laugh.  A few guys who'd been enjoying their night out, caught a glance of me laughing to myself as I continued to work steadily through the chaos,  and they erupted in laughter as well.  

They were amongst the first guests to arrive that afternoon, so they had already witnessed the dog debacle and a few other hiccups of the night.  

And honestly, at that point, it was (kind of) funny. Oh and yes, it was still windy. 

What was happening??!!??

At approximately 8:00 PM,  it was too much. 

Everyone sitting at my bar turned in unison to witness a woman screaming at her cocktail server to "Get the hell away."  The server, defending herself, refused service at that point, and had to simply walk away.  

And then, after being asked out by a guest, literally ten times, I too, had to take a break.  I'd had enough.  Maybe it was closer to 9 at that point, but regardless, I had met my limit. A fellow bartender was kind enough to take the wheel from me so that I could discreetly slink away and hide... and hopefully, recover.  

I sat in the back alley for about five minutes, where no one could see me.  And when I looked up and saw my own reflection in the window, to my horror, I saw that almost all the strands of my hair were standing straight up on all sides of my face: the result of standing in a wind tunnel for the past five hours. 

Whatever... At this point, looking like a damn clown was more than appropriate. 

I walked reluctantly back to the bar to hear, "Adriane!!!!!! Yo, Adriane!!!!!! We were waiting for you!!!" Oh goody.... they are still here.

And that is when the lightning began to strike.  Huge bolts flashed, illuminating the night sky.  The wind howled, thunder cracked and I knew at any moment, it was about to break loose. 

And it did. 

The rain sprayed my face as it fell, gusting along with the relentless force of the wind.  And all I could think of was that song from the fifties... You know it... "Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this, my mama said. Mama said, mama said..."

After all of that, I left work wearing a half smile and a crazy ass 'fro atop my blonde head.  I didn't really see it as a bad day to be honest.  It was just one of those days you never forget.  

Tested by the elements, exhausted and dampened from the downpour, I clocked out and called it a night. 

I have no idea what was in the air.  All I know is that when it rains, it pours... and if God has a sense of humor, well then I had experienced a truly biblical comedic sketch. 

It's a brand new day.  I survived the storm, the unidentified woodland creature, the draft spill, the meanies, as well as a handful of overly friendly gents.  It was an epic night behind bars.  And I just felt that it was noteworthy enough to report.  

I think it's important to remember that nothing in life is promised to us.  The weather can't always be sunny and still.  The people we encounter may not follow the rules, get the hint, or clean up after their dog.  But one thing we can be sure of is that Mama said there would be days like this, and all we can do, is all we can do.  

And if gets to be too much and it's just not funny anymore, take a minute to walk away and look at your own reflection.  What you see may surprise you: even, make you laugh. 

Today:

Nameless Deliciousness

1 oz Cherry Vodka

Splash of Pama Liqueur

Finish with Lemonade.

MAMA SAID: WATCH THIS HILARIOUS VIDEO AND SING ALONG!!!!!

Breaking Bad JuJu

Long ago, in a tiki-bar far, far away, a lowly bartender was in a fight to preserve her sanity.  It was known across the land as the Terrible Twos: a curse that afflicted this otherwise enjoyable second day of the five day work week.  Tuesdays had suffered a massive plague.  It was a mysterious curse, affecting only a rare few within the tribe, and she was one of them.  As the rain poured and her identity was stolen, she wondered; how will I ever survive Tuesdays and break the bad juju?? 

AH HA! I will have someone cover for me!! I'll take the day off and hopefully break the spell... And that is exactly what she did... And she lived happily ever ...

WAIT... We're not even close to the end of this story!

Let's re-cap.  Breaking the Tuesday curse has been an ongoing battle.  The bad juju had fallen heavy on the shoulders of many good civilians on both sides of the bar. But with some persistence and scheming, the past three Tuesdays have consistently evolved into a day of renewed rest and relaxation.  

And although I've relished in the newfound delights on this slain day, I have to wonder: did I really do it?? Did I really take back my Tuesdays and break the bad juju for good?? 

That first tainted Tuesday I had covered by a coworker was an improvement to be sure.  Although the weather was still a little drab and stormy, I somehow managed to sink down into my small vessel and stay mostly dry as the raft continuously crashed into the jagged tree branches along the riverbanks.  A metaphor you ask?  No no, this actually happened. 

Okay, so it wasn't the greatest start to breaking the Tuesday curse.  I was hungry, a little cold and hung up in the tree branches: causing ice cold water to rush over the walls of my little inflatable boat.  But on the bright side, my sweatshirt somehow managed to stay dry and I hadn't lost grip of my beer to the strong currents of the river.  I wasn't behind the bar that day, the first Tuesday in weeks, so I considered it to be one small step in the right direction.

In the Tuesdays that followed, I had somehow managed to gain the upper hand.  Camping on the boat in the harbor of an enchanted Island definitely proved to be the moment that I felt sure that the tainted Tuesdays were a thing of the past. 

Oddly enough, I haven't been scheduled to work a Tuesday in weeks.  It's weird... IT'S GREAT... But it's weird. 

Ever since I took action and sought out someone to cover for me that one time, Tuesdays have consistently been my day away from the bar, to relax and recover from the madness of the weekend rush.  

Dare I even go so far as to say that I have come to enjoy Tuesdays immensely?? Well, there it is...  Hello, my name is Adriane and I am a Tues-aholic.  

A few weeks ago, a reader had suggested that I post a follow up to see if I had in fact successfully broken the negative cycle.  So today, perhaps a little preemptively, I have provided an update to show the progress of taking back Tuesdays. 

Although I have yet to leave the house today, I suspect that it is shaping up to be a lovely day off (she says reluctantly while knocking on wood).  

My hope for you dear readers, after learning of this little modern day quest for vengeance, is for you to break the bad juju in your lives as well.  Perhaps it's a different day of the week that you find particularly offending.  Perhaps it is an unfortunate work environment.  Or perhaps it is an overall slate that could use a deep cleaning. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to think outside the box and take back the tainted days in your 52 weeks a year as well.  

It may be one small step in a week's time, but a giant leap for the overall quality of your life.  One week rolls into the next, and before you know it, a brand new season is just around the corner.

While we can't always be sure as to whether or not we've truly managed to press the reset button on the dramas that repeat on a seemingly endless loop in our lives, we can (at the very least) do everything within our power to try. 

So far, it appears that I have somehow managed to turn my Tuesdays around for the good of mankind.  And I imagine we are all a little better for it.  

Today:

Tuesday Cure

1/2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz Gin

Splash of Cranberry juice

Splash of Grapefruit juice

Twist of lime 

a sprig of mint 

Before:

After:

photo credit: fanpop.com

Xena Warrior Princess

              

   

Fear Factors

I used to be afraid of the dark.  Terrified, actually.  When the lights went out, mysterious shadows would morph into the frightening shape of a stranger lurking in the corner of my room.  Just outside my bedroom door, eery footsteps ever so quietly crept up and down the antique metal staircase.  I would lay in bed and study every sound: the creaks and moans as the house settled over the years seemed to mimic that of an old woman, aching in pain.  And somewhere, out in the distant hills surrounding the fences of my childhood home, packs of coyotes yipped and howled upon hunting their prey.

At night, I would face these fear factors as best and for as long as I could; often surrendering in defeat and would make the terrifying lap through the house to my parents bedroom.  Yes, for much of my childhood, I was so very afraid. 

It's funny how those memories stay with me.  I've been on my own for a long time now.  And as an adult, I have come to understand certain overcoming fear-factors that have stamped out the paralyzing grip of terror that plagued me for so long.  

I realize that turning out the lights actually improves your ability to see in the darkness.  The uncomfortable momentary blackness gradually dissipates as your eyes adjust.  In fact, any small trickle of light actually impairs this process from happening.  

And the creepy footsteps I heard tip toeing up and down the metal staircase?  Upon a thorough investigation, I realized that the air conditioning vent was directly above it, causing the stairs to shudder and vibrate each time the system kicked on.  It made that sound all the time in fact, I just hadn't noticed it in the light of day.  

As for those pesky coyotes? Well, they still yipped and howled through the night, but I realized that those fences were actually pretty sturdy and as a matter of fact, so too were the creaking walls of our home.  

I faced these fears and overcame each one as I empowered my senses to seek out and destroy the various forces that I had initially perceived to be indestructible.  

And I was no longer afraid. 

There are dark forces that we face throughout our lives.  The unfortunate part of life is the inevitable way fear creeps back in.  Once you stamp out the fears of your youth, a new wave of fear comes lurking at your doorstep.  Perceived fears can be just as debilitating as the ones you might encounter in some back alley, walking alone in the dark. 

But there is one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt to be true: if you empower yourself to see things for what they actually are, rather than whatever you perceive them to be, you will then have enough facts to face them head on and stamp them out if necessary.  

If you are perceivably stuck in an abusive situation: whether it's a certain abuse of power in the workplace or in the home, you can empower yourself to safely and effectively locate the nearest exit and take the necessary steps to walk through it. 

When someone abuses the authority or leadership you have entrusted them with by demeaning, shaming and/or outright bullying you, I say that you have a choice to face this fear monger head on and decide your fate: you can empower fear, or you can empower yourself. 

But make no mistake about it, you DO have a choice.  You can either live as a hostage because you are too afraid to confront the spider, or you can ambush the little bastard and eliminate the threat of being bitten.  Either scenario is quite scary: but only one releases you from the grip of fear. 

I'm not suggesting that the perceived obstacles you might face are not real factors to consider: oftentimes they are in fact the most difficult to overcome.  What I am suggesting here is to examine the root feelings associated with each one and gather up all the facts.  Then, when your eyes have adjusted and you can see through the darkness, you'll be ready to confront the monster lurking in the shadows.  Even the smallest object can cast an enormous shadow; it's a matter of perception. 

Respect yourself enough to adequately measure your worth: the quality of your life, of your health and happiness.  If what you are being served isn't serving that aim, then I suggest that you face these fear factors head on.  

Removing the factor of fear from this equation could most certainly equal an outcome far greater than you had ever imagined possible.  Life is far too precious to be confined by our fears. 

Bullies, abusers, thieves, spiders, monsters beware: I can see you creeping in the darkness, but I'm not scared because I know that you are right where you belong. I have made my choice; so be afraid... be very, very afraid.   

Today: 

Frankenstein Cocktail

1 oz Black Haus Blackberry Schnapps

1 oz Midori Melon Liqueur 

1/2 oz Pineapple Juice

shake and strain into a martini glass

  

Just Wanted to Say...

I talk to myself... a lot.  The words do not necessarily come out of my mouth, but shuffle one on top of the other, like numbered balls rolling around inside of the bingo wheel.  This inner dialogue keeps me from saying things I might regret.  But unfortunately,  keeping things to myself might also deprive others from hearing something that they might actually like or need to hear.

I like how she did her hair today.  Has she lost weight?  Ugh oh...He has a bean cap on his front tooth. It's right in front too.  I should say something right?? Bingo!!  Wait a minute, don't take that road home tonight, the traffic is a disaster. 

I never really thought too much of it; until yesterday. 

It was just another typical Thursday: coffee, blogging, walk the dogs, then get ready for work.  Nothing too out of the ordinary for me.  After coming off the heels of a little four day vacation from the bar, I was neither in a bad mood nor a fantastic one.  I looked in the mirror and applied some mascara and a little blush and thought: wow, I look tired today. 

And then it began: the workday.  Clocked in and ready to serve, I looked out from beyond my counter to the people straggling in. 

"You look so pretty today," said a young co-worker.  Wait, really?? I do?? It was as if the compliment was lost on me and I must have looked like I didn't understand a word she had said. So she elaborated, "Your face: it looks extra pretty today." 

I was so caught off guard, that I had to laugh at myself while thanking her.  It was nice enough for her to think it, let alone say the words out loud.  It was just a lovely start to the day.  And it didn't stop there.

About an hour later, a bar guest made a point to say, "I just wanted to say thank you for taking such great care of us. You have yourself a wonderful night."  Wait a second, I'm usually the one who says that...  I turned to my coworker and said, "Wow, that was really nice to hear."  

And on and on it continued: 'Thank you', 'Take care', 'Good Job', 'Great drink', 'See you soon', 'Enjoy the day', 'Have a good night' and so on.  It may not sound like much, but I will tell you, it was something to me.  And it got me thinking... 

When I got home last night, I read a comment from a reader a half a world away.  He didn't have to take the time to share his thoughts with me, but he did.  And I must confess, it was a dose of encouragement that I truly needed to hear.

Writing each and every day is a bit of a discipline.  But honestly, however taxing it may be, I do enjoy it.  But the truth is, it would not be nearly as enjoyable a process though, if people were not reading what I post each day. My thoughts are committed to written form so that they might be shared.  

Knowing that someone out there is getting a 'great deal of joy' from reading whatever I have written that day, truly motivates and encourages me to keep it all going.  It may not seem like much, but it was one of the best compliments of my life.  

Strangers, coworkers and loved ones alike, all made a noted difference in my life because they had something they just wanted to say... Just wanted to say great job! Just wanted to say goodnight. Just wanted to say how pretty you look today.  Just wanted to say keep writing... And with that, an ordinary Thursday afternoon, was made extraordinary! 

You may not know the profound affect your thoughts and words have on another human beings' existence.  But if you want to take my word for it, trust that they have the potential to make ALL the difference! 

Yesterday, as if reading my thoughts, a few different people said the exact words I hadn't even realized I needed to hear.  It is a pretty amazing thing, to know that you have the ability to make someone's day brighter: better. 

Today, as I prepare to venture out into the world, while pecking away at this keyboard and sipping my morning cup of coffee, I guess I just wanted to say thank you.  You may not have intended to make such a great impact on my day, on my journey, but you did.  

I hope we all realize how our words can strongly influence others.  Even the seemingly insignificant compliment, or show of thanks can truly add an extra skip in a persons' step.  So look in the mirror, and know that you are capable of changing lives for the better each and every day!  And honestly, what could be better than that?

Today:

Long Happiness

1 1/2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz Gin

Splash of Pineapple Juice

Finish with Ginger Beer

Serve on the rocks in a highball glass

photo credit: funlava.com

        

  

Not Homeless or Hopeless

Have you ever seen a deer in the headlights?  The animal stands frozen, paralyzed by fear and blinded by the headlights that are fast approaching.  Wide-eyed, motionless, with a blank expression, they do not know which way to go.  It is as if they are stuck right where they are: directly in front of harms way.

I have experienced this unfortunate encounter several times throughout the past five years since I left southern California.  And although I get so frustrated by these stealthy creatures for standing frozen in the middle of the road, I have to say that I can relate to the psychological paralysis that takes over, upon facing a fast approaching threat head on.

There is a question I am frequently asked, that induces a similar physical reaction to that of a deer in the headlights.  The question may be presented in a number of ways: Where do you live? Do you live in Nashville? Are you keeping your Michigan address? What about Los Angeles: you ever think about going back? Are you going to go to New York for good?  So, where do you call home?

All of these questions approach faster than I can anticipate; shining a bright, blinding spotlight directly on my face, and I am frozen.  The whites of my eyes reflect the oncoming collision and I stand there for a long, uncomfortable silence.  My mind goes blank.  I am motionless and short of breath. 

Where’s Home??

Uhh… ummm… well, yeah… I umm, love Tennessee… but wanted to be here in uhhh Michigan for the summer and uh my family. Sure I love California…it’s where I was, ummm born and uhhhh, raised. 

New York, mmm hmm yeah, eehh I love it there too. Hmmm I have no idea when or how long I will be in NYC. 

Where in NYC; the outer boroughs or in the city?   Sigh…

For God’s sake: It is a simple question.

But each and every time I am asked, I think: Gosh, I seriously need to come up with a better answer.  It has to be streamlined, polished and holstered for safekeeping. 

They say, “Home is where your heart is.”  And perhaps that is why it is such a difficult question for me to answer.  My heart is being pulled from the four corners of the United States.  It’s complicated.

My roots were firmly planted along the golden shores of the California coastline, and every time I return, I am brought back to myself.  California runs in my blood and is forever a part of me.  And yet, there is no place quite as warm and comforting than the South.  California may hold my roots, but Tennessee is where my arms grew stronger with each passing storm. My friends down South hold my heart in their hands, and for that reason alone, part of me will forever remain there. 

And in the great north, I am immersed: in the vastness of nature, of creativity, family time, and my little four shift a week job, working behind a bar.  It is a perfect summer: shared with my family, while simultaneously saving up and preparing for the move East. 

But how can I possibly say all of that when asked where home is?  The truth is, I don’t really know the answer to that question.  And I suspect, it will take a while longer to figure it out.  For now, home is wherever I am surrounded by love.

More often than not, I feel A-OKAY.  But when the question is presented to me of where my home is, I can’t help but feel a little displaced.  But even though I don’t have an answer quite yet, I think I will have a lot of fun finding out.

I may look like a deer in the headlights, but don’t worry: come fight or flight, I will find my way home. 

Until then, home is for me, an address associated with a certain state of mind; rather than confined within the walls of competing state lines.  

Today:

Lemondrop

2 oz of Vodka

1/2 squeezed lemon juice

Splash of sour mix (optional)

Dash of Simple Syrup

Shake and strain into a martini glass

Garnish with a sugar rim and a twist

Time Lapse

I have a secret to share with you.  There is a place, an Island, where time slows down to a quiet hush and is only measured by the four beat count of horses' hooves and the lull of lapping waves.  It is enchanted.

I first came to know this place when I was a small girl, about seven or eight years old I would say.  And  it is as perfect to me now as it was back then.  The wonderful aroma of boiling hot caramels and decadent fudge waft through the narrow streets.  Carriages of all varieties roll along the main street and turn the corner that leads to the Grand Hotel.  

Hundreds and hundreds of bicycles of every kind zip through the alleys: moving swift and effortlessly.   Tandems, cruisers, three speeds, tricycles, and mountain bikes race: armed with smiling faces and work-a-day refugees.  And if the hustle and bustle of the Island's main street proves too hurried for you, there is a way around it: literally.  Take your bike, your horse or simply trek on foot and follow the path that hugs the eight mile shoreline.  You will eventually land where you first began, but will have experienced a true lapse of time in between.  

Along the steep incline of the Isle's perimeter, stretch an impressive row of towering Victorians.  Like a footprint forever frozen on the lunar surface, these regal residences capture the essence of their place in time.  And from the fortress that overlooks the distant shores, the shocking burst of a canon erupts the morning stillness. And trumpets sound. The haunting tune echoes throughout the hull of our vessel: it is our signal to welcome the day.  

Somewhere in between the sunrise and sunset, without so much of a hint or a warning, you have been reborn.  You'll know when this shift has occurred because just after it happens, you will naturally follow the scent of freshly cooled fudge and before you even know what is happening, you realize that you have already eaten a half of a pound. 

Each time I come back to this place, I am reborn.  Something shifts.  And little by little I am brought back to the core of my being.   I am just... happy.

If you simply cannot wait for a little sneak peek, then rent the film Somewhere In Time, which was filmed here on the Island many years ago.  It is a cheesy love story of two people who get lost together in time, reminiscent of the film The Lakehouse; which, as a side note, I found to be extremely confusing, if not somewhat entertaining. 

This is the place I come to surrender stress.  It is where I rejoice in the simple delights of life: the way it is meant to be enjoyed.  And for a lapse of time, I experience a lapse of memory too: my job, my schedule, and my fears all fade into the distance. 

This is where I am this morning; writing from the galley of our temporary home.  It is an idyllic sanctuary and appropriately named Pipe Dream.  I have no cause, no plight, no profound offering to expound upon.  Rather a hope, that one day everyone can experience magic such as this.  

Yes, Mackinac Island is enchanted indeed.  And if ever you are fortunate enough to have your compass point in this direction, then you can smile while gazing out to the red lighthouse at the harbor's edge and  send a little thank you my way, for sharing this secret with you.  And if you have in fact experienced such a place where the tick of the clock is silenced, I am hoping that you might also share your secret with me. 

  

Today:

French Sunrise

1 oz Grey Goose Vodka

1/2 oz Grand Marnier

Orange Juice in a highball glass

Float with Chambord Liqueur 

Mackinac Island