Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Alpha-Dogs and Underdogs

Have you ever seen the way dogs interact for the very first time? They sniff, circle, wag, bark, mount, spray and lick.  Some dogs puff and boast their chests in a dominant way, while others tuck their tails and submit.

If you have seen this interaction before, I imagine you have also been able to detect which animals are the more dominant. This inherent nature stems back to the beginning of time, when the basic survival instinct was in practice at every single moment.  And to that point,  pack leaders are vital to the survival of the entire family.  

So let's take this a step further. 

Two men were sitting at the bar last night having a long venting session.  They were both very frustrated with the women in their lives.  That part was very apparent.  I wasn't necessarily paying any attention to the specifics of their conversation as I was busy making drinks for other bar guests.  But after a few drinks, one of the men asked me a question that has plagued the male species over and over again in our own animal kingdom. "Why do women go for jerks?"

I was so caught off guard I had to completely stop whatever I was in the middle of doing.  "Why do women fall for jerks?" 

I thought about it for a moment while wiping down the bar-top with a damp towel.  I thought back to my own previous relationships.  Some of the men I have fallen in love with have had a little bit of jerky tendencies for sure.  But of course, I imagine that I am no picnic to live with at times either...

I thought of my parent's relationship and other successful marriages.  What makes it work? Are there established roles? Who is tucking their tale? Is it a trade off? 

After a moment of serious contemplation, this is what I surmised.  "Gentlemen, I think women are actually attracted to assholes because what they are really looking for is an Alpha male. And the two are often confused to be one in the same."

They were astonished. "YES! That makes SO much sense!"  And then they were off to the races.  "But we are good guys! It's so unfair!" 

If I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I would say that I am definitely attracted to alpha males.

An Alpha has traits that are vital for survival. Alphas can be both men and women. It is simply a term used to describe a certain number of traits.  Leadership, dominance, assertiveness are characteristics that are appealing to me.  In fact I am actually an Alpha personality.  

However, when it comes to choosing a mate, women often follow their own primal instincts of seeking the strongest animal in the pack. I have heard time and time again that a woman values security above anything else. Women want to feel safe and secure.  So we gravitate toward the men who appear confident and secure.  Unfortunately, confidence can be easily confused with dominant, aggressive behavior and over inflated egos; i.e assholes.

What do women mean when they talk about security? Most men assume that security means one thing: money. This however is a very limited scope of the entire concept.  Although, I can only really speak for myself and not for the entire female species. Oh what the hell, it's my blog. 

Security is in part financial only because of basic survival instincts.  When the female is close to giving birth, they are well aware that there will be a certain period of time when they must rely on their mate to provide support and care. It is a physical and emotional shift.  

Security above all else means feeling safe.  

We all love a good story of the underdog winning the race.  And we've all heard the saying that"Nice guys finish last." 

I hope I have learned my lesson by now.  I hope that I have matured enough to delineate between an alpha male and just a plain old jerk.  

Because I think women don't set out to fall for the bad boy.  When we are young and rebellious, maybe that plays into it.  But as we grow up, we hopefully wise up too.  

Is it so wrong to hope to find a loyal and sensitive man who can also chop wood, build a fire and bring home the bacon? Even if only metaphorically speaking? Is it so hard to find? 

Or are we incapable of seeing the difference? 

For all you out there who feel like the underdog, my advice is to stay true to yourself.  Don't feel sorry for yourself either. A smart woman will come along eventually.  Just don't be surprised if she's had a few bad dogs in her past. We are all survivalists in some respect.  And hopefully, our instincts will lead us back to our true nature... to our pack. 

Ladies: stop confusing assholes with alphas.  

Gentlemen: Please do the same.


Salty Dog

1 1/2 oz Vodka
Splash of Grapefruit Juice
Salted Rim

Loyal Dogs, Dudes and Dads:



  1. LOL great point! A puffed out chest is no proof that there's a big heart underneath :)