Friday, July 26, 2013

On a Mission to Neverland

There is a frontier, a Road Less Traveled and my compass is pointing in that direction.  This uncharted land sits just beyond my reach, but is not out of my scope of vision.  Not yet, that is.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the goal, the aim, the vision... the mission.  I am struggling to find the words to describe the ongoing battle of wills that I am faced with each and every single day.  It is an inner struggle.  To choose this path is difficult.  It can seem... impractical, flighty and unrealistic

And I suppose it is somewhat unrealistic, until proven otherwise. But I'm on a mission.  And no one else can get me there but my own two feet.  

Marching along to the beat of my own drum, I hear ominous whispers in the distance: the threat of failure, self doubt, and defeat mocking from the hillsides. You can't. You won't. If you could, you would have by now. Grow up. Give up. Get real. 

The seeds of doubt are planted deep within.  And sometimes, I struggle to find the very antidote to all these self defeating shadows of doubt: faith

Faith is a funny thing.  It is the ability to believe in something that has not been proven yet.  It is like a super human strength.   I may not be able to see what lay just beyond my scope of vision yet, but I believe that I will see it someday.  

It is a hard mission. And truth be told, I am terrified of failure.  The very thought of it makes my entire body tense up.  

When I was a little girl, I believed anything was possible.  I had that kind of innocent enchantment with possibility. Similar to the way a little child believes in the Tooth Fairy or making wishes on shooting stars, is how I believed in myself, once upon a time.  Optimism like that, is a truly rare and beautiful thing. 

This morning, I woke up to my latest routine on the route to my own version of Neverland.  Before I so much as opened my eyes, it began.  What am I doing? How much more can I take? I am never going to get there. This is a lonely road.

I woke up tired and restless. Last night was crazy at work. The bar was hit hard, all at once.  I was moving as fast as I could, but it just wasn't fast enough. And this morning, exhausted and anxious, I rolled reluctantly out of my bed. I was fighting a serious case of the flunkies

And then, the defenses kicked in.  Like the Lost Boys marching through the forest in Never Neverland, I waged a counter-attack on all fronts.  This is war.

Never never grow up. Never never give up.  Never stop believing. Surrender? No way.  I'm on a mission. But one thing is certain: I'll never ever get there, if I never ever try.  

So today I've decided, I'm going to continue down this road, and keep on believing. 



2 oz Whiskey or Bourbon
Dash of Sweet Vermouth
Stir and strain
Serve up in a martini glass
Garnish with a cherry and dream big!

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